There is one thing that is very valuable in my practice, bringing awareness to my mental patterns and how these Patterns have an effect in the ways I respond to situations.
It goes without saying that if we become aware of mental patterns, mental situations that make us feel uncomfortable and we do not escape these situations via distractions, negation, frustration, annoyance and so on, we develop an understanding, we develop ways to cope better with these challenging situations. Where is our frustration, anger, non-acceptance, sense of anxiety and so on, coming from? In my own exploration, I can say that all these challenging elements are coming from ways that I have developed throughout my life. I developed “fixed” ways to see things, people, situations and so on. I developed “fixed” ways to deal with things, people, situations and so on. These ways have simply become patterns, they just arise automatically when confronted by certain specific events. Now, it is one of the benefits we want to gain from a practice which relies on reflection, to wish for a softer and clearer approach to our life experience. If we were to get upset continuously because of a certain situation, if we were to get anxious every time something particular happens, I guess that we want to look into what is really happening there. What can we do to rather merge with whichever situation is arising than feeling tense and upset about it?
For me, having a mindfulness practice, a meditation practice, our Zen practice is to be exploring these kinds of questions until I really feel “satisfied” with the possible insights I gain from my exploration.
Specifically, practising Zen is giving ourselves a chance to pause and stay with things as they are. Little by little, perhaps, we realise that external circumstances, we might not have much control of. However, we can develop healthier ways to deal with these “out-of-our-control” circumstances. For example, we sit to get accustomed with just being, just merging with our own self, whatever that means; boredom, desires, peace, relaxation, tension, worries…. All there is. Once again, what can we do to rather merge with whichever situation is arising than feeling tense and upset about it?
In Zen, in Buddhism, we say that what really makes us suffer is wanting things to be different than they are….. Wanting what is, different than what actually is. That seems to be what is going on with us and our sense of discomfort. At times, it seems plausible to wanting things different. If we are ill, if we are in pain, if we are in a toxic situation, unhealthy… I often have backaches and it arises very natural in me the desire to be painless, painfree, immediately, to be able to go out for a run without feeling any sense of discomfort in my back. I observe that mental pattern many many times and I got to accept that that is also what it is. Somehow, absurdly, I want, I need to accept that too, absolutely nothing wrong with that too. However, I know that if I hold on tightly to that desire, to that wanting, I am simply adding a layer of frustration to my already existing backache. There must be a healthier way to deal with whatever situation we are confronting with. Again, can we explore and reflect on where this desire for wanting things to be different than they actually come from? Are we holding on to something? What are we holding on to?
I remember to read some time ago one of these Zen stories which, I think are very effective when it comes to describe what goes on with us, at times. It tells us exactly about this exhausting human condition, this desire to want things differently. We know that in Buddhism, the mind is often identified, described as a monkey. An animal which is often agitated, temperamental and, in general, not easy to catch; not that I ever tried to catch a monkey but, I guess it is not an easy task! How can you catch a monkey? It lives on trees, it is fast, it can jump……. However, the story says that there is actually a way to catch a monkey. You need to take advantage of its weakest point, which, in my opinion, it happens to be the mind’s weakest point too. The craving, the desire to have more, to have something else. So, to capture a monkey, it is sufficient to put some candies in a large jar with a narrow neck. You can spread a few candies around to attract the monkey to the jar and just wait. The monkey will start eating all the candies it will see and even though it will have eaten plenty, it will go for the candies in the jar, guaranteed! Does it not resemble the behaviour of our own minds at times? It seems to be never enough.
The monkey will put its hand in the narrow neck of the jar, grab a handful of candies and will try to pull the hand out of the jar. Do you reckon that it will be able to do so? No, the monkey will not be able to free itself from the jar, why? Because it will not let go of the candies! It would be easy, just need to let go, just need to let go of the candies. Perhaps, it could even get away with holding just one or two candies but…. the craving, the desire will make the monkey totally irrational. The monkey will lose the clarity required to understand the situation and act accordingly. How does our mind behave at times? Just like that, the monkey will remain stuck by its own desire…
The end of our own suffering and discomfort relies on ending our desire to have this moment different than it actually is. My desire to want my backache stop, doesn’t make my backache stop. Going to a physio, doing some stretching, doing some exercise, responding to the situation as best as I see fit, might help that. The desire, the frustration, the annoyance, the anger and so on will, most likely make things worse. We will most likely remain stuck by our own desires. We will not see what is truly necessary, we might even become irrational, like the monkey, losing the necessary clarity to make the next healthy step, let go of our holding on, to our desires for things to be different than they are. Letting go for me corresponds with gaining more clarity about how things are now and take healthy steps to move forward. It doesn’t mean to remain unnecessary stuck in an unpleasant situation permanently. It means seeing how our craving for things to be just different than they are can lead to losing clarity, suffering, feeling helplessly stuck. That might happen in certain life circumstances, of course. However, we could still do a lot for ourselves when we gain clarity and accept certain circumstances, when we let go of our craving to have it our way.
So, we are going to do some practice together in a moment. We will walk and we will sit together but whilst walking and sitting we will just be on our own. We might experience all kind of desires whilst sitting, desire for the time to go faster, desire for the mind to slow down, desire for being Saturday instead of Sunday, desire for people to behave better…. What can we do in order to not get stuck in our own desires? What should the monkey do to free itself from the narrow neck of the jar?
Enjoy your practice and thanks for listening.
Zen Mindfulness Cambridge Zenways Italia 